Sometime Right Where You Started is Right Where You Belong....

So I've learned sometimes you have to let life turn you upside down so you can learn how to live right side up.

I think I can finally say... I know what living right side up means. Now, I'm not saying I'm completely there, living right side up... I'd say I'm somewhere in between perhaps living life sideways right now but it's certainly an improvement.

I've spent my entire life trying to "fix" people... or more accurately the men in my life. I'd never really noticed it before, and it will sound very cliché but this really came to my attention when I recently saw the movie "Eat Pray Love." Seeing the movie made me very anxious to read the book. You see, I always find that the book is much better than the movie anyway and this was no exception. There was a particular quote from the book that rang so true to me that I have to share it here “I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism," that my friends, is me in a nutshell. I have a horrible time saying goodbye - even when I know goodbye is truly the only answer.

I'm happy to say I have lived a very single life over the last several months which has allowed me quite a bit of time to find myself again. I have a wonderful collection of fantastic characters (friends) in my life who have worked very hard to help me see to spot and avoid those infamous roadblocks in the romance department.

Let me tell you about a few of those “roadblocks” without their real names of course! As with any barricade or roadblock you encounter there are signs and flashing lights. Mine however work in the opposite way – I have the sign and lights on my forehead attracting these travelers as they were. Imagine the strangest, kookiest, most eclectic of creatures with a dash of sliminess thrown in for good measure. Well now you’ve just conjured up the average male suitor with whom I deal with on a weekly if not daily basis.

For example, there's the foreign gentleman who makes regular appearances offering me gifts, money, and even once a huge slab of beef! Oh, and there was the time he wanted me to go to the courthouse with him so that he could “apply for a divorce” and then we would travel to Miami together. He visits me quite often and makes these requests and gestures in his very broken English. It’s as if I have learned a second language known only to myself and him. However, I have to be very careful when interpreting him so that I’m sure I haven’t agreed to anything shady.

There was the preppy, frat-boy type gentleman who stalked me all around a local store some time ago. He followed me from aisle to aisle, casually saying hello every third meeting or so. Initially when I saw this gentleman (a term I use loosely), we were standing together in the pharmacy line. We didn't speak but made eye contact on several occasions. I noticed that he was handsome, dressed like he may have just stepped out of a Gap commercial. And, although none of this was particularly my type, one of my friends had just given me a lecture about how I needed to look beyond the “bad boys" that were my type and choose someone a little more “mainstream”. Stalking aside, I thought this gentleman might fit the bill. After we had passed one another perhaps a dozen or so times, he finally worked up the courage to introduce himself. We made small talk, he asked for my number - which of course I gave to him because again I have to be nice (see previous blog entry about my issues with being nice to everyone.)

I left the store feeling pretty accomplished that I had stepped out of my comfort zone and made contact with someone who didn't have "bad boy" written all over them. Feeling so proud and wanting approval, I immediately dialed the friend who had given me the lecture just hours before. As I sat in my car explaining to her how I had just taken her advice, "preppy" boy walks into the parking lot. He gets into the minivan sitting directly in front of me, loaded with no fewer than 5 kids, and leans over to KISS the driver, who I can only assume is his wife!

I'd like to say that these are just isolated incidents, but the truth is I could write a book filled with all my Mr. Wrong stories and perhaps one day I will. I'll share more of my misadventures along the way. I'm hoping that I'm on my way to making better choices where dating and relationships are concerned. I am, after all, a hopeless romantic who wants my happy ending.

I can't stress enough though, how I have learned that my happiness has to come first, we cannot have happiness living through someone else or by living to make someone else happy. We have to be happy with ourselves to even have a shot at making someone else happy. I'm learning... I know I have a ways to go but I am making progress and am determined to move forward down this path without stopping to look back. Life's too short... moving forward is the only option.

"One of the hardest things to realize is our "someday" is right now"